Where do I even begin? A couple of days ago, I shared stories where I was speaking Russian to my kids, and it unexpectedly raised questions. As some of you already know, my husband is from Belarus and Russian is his native language. And, I think we can all agree, communicating in two different languages between spouses on a daily basis is nearly impossible and honestly very uncomfortable. I happen to speak Russian, even though I’ve never formally studied it and most of my life I used only Ukrainian. I think in Ukrainian, and whatever I say in English or Russian, I translate it in my mind from Ukrainian first.

At home, we speak Russian with my husband, and with the kids we use both Russian and English. When I’m alone with them, I also speak Ukrainian. We read Ukrainian books, I sing only Ukrainian lullabies, and I make sure this part of their identity stays alive and growing inside them. This is important for me, and I’m very intentional about it.

But here’s the point I want to make: what language we choose to speak at home is nobody else’s business. We do what works for our family dynamic, for our communication, and for the environment we want to create for our kids. I understand that, with everything happening right now, some people feel emotionally triggered by hearing Russian. I truly get it. But I also don’t feel the need to justify myself or explain the decisions we make as parents. My kids will understand Ukrainian, and I will always put effort into making sure of that. At the same time, I am not against them speaking the language their father grew up with.

My hope is that the people who truly wanted to understand — will understand. Everyone else will see what they want to see. I’ve never supported any form of judgment, and I won’t start now. Our choices at home belong to us, and I will always stand by that.